3 WAYS TO HELP YOUR TODDLER LISTEN

Once upon a time, I thought that the way children behaved was a direct result of the parenting they had received. Then I had kids of my own and realized that parenting children had nothing to do with delivering a constant stream of commands and getting unchallenged compliance. It was more about managing and guiding another soul through this world.

When we think of getting a toddler to "listen," what we're really aiming for is obedience. In seeking ways to help a toddler be more obedient, it is important to also consider their personality. The Terrible Twos, for example, is common to all young children, but the way it is manifested will depend on the child's personality. My son's tantrums at that age were explosive while my oldest daughter never did more than pout and stand still in protest. They were both showing disapproval and bucking against what Mommy and Daddy had said, but in their own way.

As you read the information below, please think of ways to tweak the general concepts to fit your child's temperament.

• They are not always tuning you out on purpose.
• They are still in the process of acquiring language.
• They are still inclined to demonstrate their feelings, physically.
• They are consciously, and subconsciously, learning from the example you set.
• They don't listen when they are very tired, too upset, or overly stimulated by their environment.

1. Model the behavior you want your child to demonstrate.

This sounds like a no-brainer, but in some cases it is not.

My children would come to me while I was doing something; like talking on the phone, writing an article, or doing a chore, and I would never answer them while I was in the middle of it. They would call my name until I was done with the task, at which point I would turn to them and say, "Now that I'm done, what is it you need?" I thought I was teaching my young ones patience by finishing my task first, but what they learned instead was how to ignore someone who needed immediate attention.

In turn, when my kids were engrossed in some kind of activity, they would completely ignore me when I called out their names. I would have to walk up to them and say, "Don't you hear me calling you?" to which they would answer "Yes, but I was busy."

Since this realization, I make sure to acknowledge them immediately and ask them to wait until I'm done. "Please let me finish this so I can listen to you," is what I tell them.

2. Keep your requests simple.

Short clear sentences are a must. "Stop that and come here," is easier for a toddler to process than, "You are not supposed to be doing that. Come here right now, because what you're doing isn't safe."

Even long explanations can be broken down into small snippets of information at a time:

"Stop that and come here."

The child comes over.

"Do you see that?"

The child nods yes.

"Do you think it is safe?"

The child nods yes.

"Well it's not."

The child just stares at you.

"Do not go back there again."

The child nods yes and runs off to play somewhere else.

Dr. Daniel Amen once said, on The View, that young children usually listened to their fathers better because, "dads use less words."

Breaking down long strands of information into a series of shorter ones is a great way to help your toddler listen better because they are more proficient at paying attention to small bits of information at a time. As they grow older, their attention span will grow as well and they will be able to handle longer threads of conversation, but for now long sentences just wash over their ears and leave them unclear with what it is you really want from them.

On a similar note, encourage your toddler to use their words. The more they practice expressing themselves, the better they become at it, and the less inclined they will be to demonstrate their feelings in a physical manner, or tantrum. At their age, it is not important that they pronounce their words right, just that they use them.

3. Think ahead.

Talk to your toddler before you leave the house and let them know what your expectations are for the outing.

A personal example of this is when I would go to the grocery store with my children. After shutting off the car, I would sit there for a moment and have a pep talk with my kids before we got out. "We are here to buy groceries," I would say. "Not toys." I would ask them if they understood, and quite naturally they said they did. Once we got in the store, they would ask for toys anyway. I would say "What did Mommy tell you in the car?"

My kids still got upset, but never out of hand. The pep talk had done its part to diffuse any disappointment they could feel, and they quickly got over it.

Also, do your best to predict problem situations and avoid them. If you know that you are going to be out for a long time, make sure that your toddler is well fed and has healthy snacks on hand. Likewise, consider their age and know their limits when it comes to outings. If you are going to be out for a long time, at some point your toddler will get tired, then cranky and hard to work with.

I used to plan my day in two parts; what was done before nap time and what was done after.

These three guidelines are just some of the things parents can do to help their toddlers be better listeners. For more information, I strongly recommend a book entitled, How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, Too! by Sal Severe, Ph. D.

You cannot learn everything about parenting from a book, but there are some good ones out there that can save you a lot of time and heartache, and this book is one of them. The information I shared comes from my personal experiences and what I have learned from this book.

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